I lost everything important to me to Cocaine& Drugs-Linda's Story

I lost everything to drugs-Linda's story

Linda’s Story   My name is Linda and I am a recovering addict. I got to the fellowship of Cocaine Anonymous three years ago as I knew I had serious problems with my drug use and in my life, however, I did not stay and now know that I wanted the problems that drugs were causing in my life to be taken away but not my drugs! The carnage and destruction I caused to myself and others until I got back to the rooms of CA via a treatment centre 2 years later proved to me that addiction only gets worse never better. Today thanks to CA, people at meetings and the 12 step program I live a life beyond my wildest dreams alcohol and drug free one day at a time. Drugs were always in my life, I had an accident aged 11 and abused prescribed medication throughout my teenage years.  At secondary school I took acid regularly and drank alcohol.  

When I passed my driving test at 17 I started abusing amphetamines, I lost my 1st good job after falling asleep in the toilet after a week long bender. I got involved in the club scene, working and partying as well as holding down a full time job, training at college and throughout all of my twenties did not think I had a problem despite the fact I could not leave the house  without being stoned, I used to criticise people that did not live the way that I did.  I always thought, work hard, party hard. – that was the way I lived and I did not have a problem. Cocaine and Crack became a daily habit, and by the time I was 31 I still thought I was OK as I usually made it to my work. I was self employed, I lied, cheated and stole from clients, partners, family, and friends to fund my habit, until eventually I was a paranoid wreck sitting at home alone smoking crack, taking cocaine and dabbling with heroin, it took a further 4 years of this before my health started to deteriorate badly and then I realised that I did not have a life and had lost EVERYTHING that was important to me, relationships, material possessions, financial gains, jobs EVERYTHING I cared about including myself.

Eventually I admitted defeat, I believe I had a spiritual awakening when a friend took me on holiday and when sitting on a hilltop I burst out crying announcing that I did not want to die.  I got admitted to a treatment centre and spent 6 months there, afraid, lonely and very confused.  I did not know who I was, what I was, where I was.  I had the same feelings when I left that treatment centre but thanks to the people in the rooms of CA who loved me until I could love myself I am now 18 months away from my last drink or drugs and that is a miracle, there is a life beyond addiction and it is beyond my wildest dreams.  I am glad to be clean and sober and have so much gratitude to feel reborn and no longer a slave to a mind altering substance.

source Cocaine Anonymous Scotland.